Women’s History 2023
Women’s History is absolutely filled with iconic women like Harriet Tubman, Abigail Adams, Rosa Parks, Amelia Earhart, Sonya Sotomayor and so many more. When I go vote, I take my kids with me to help them understand this right is a privilege that once was prohibited to women. That meant many women in history fought hard to have equal rights to vote. In this blog I will address how in 2023, Women’s History impacts women, mothers, caregivers, children and their future.
Many children have been raised by women that believe strongly in the tenets of Women’s History. We have moved past so many hurdles in Women’s History. However, like most changes, there are backlashes. We continue to struggle with issues like domestic violence, poverty, reproductive health rights, gender pay gap, and workplace harassment. Where there is a child, there is a mother telling her stories of her own life. A child is very impressionable with the way a caregiver vocalizes or behaves on women’s issues. These same issues will invariably follow these children into adulthood.
The beginning of Women’s History
Women’s History in 2023 has come a long way since it was first developed as a week-long celebration in Sonoma, California in 1978. It was started by a school district to recognize those women who contributed to culture, history and society. It was years later in 1980 when Jimmy Carter issued a proclamation, declaring the week of March 8 as Women’s History week. Then, six years later the National History Women’s Project petitioned Congress to expand Women's History week to the entire month in March.
In 2023, the National History Alliance has designated a theme for Women’s history. It’s called “Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories.” It recognizes women, past and present, who have told stories in various forms like “print, radio, TV, stage, screen, blogs, podcasts, news, and social media.” Women are creative individuals that tell stories, as a way of making meaning of their experiences. Being and existing as a woman in this world is hard work. That hard work is often brought to light in story-telling.
Survivors of childhood abuse
Survivors of childhood violence have a story that can range from having very vivid memories to very little memory of their childhood, sometimes with zero details. Often making meaning of their childhood past is fraught with deep sadness, helplessness and rage. There may be an intense amount of shame for survivors of sexual abuse, for example, to never tell what happened to them. Many times survivors of sexual abuse were repeatedly threatened with lies like “no one will believe you, if you tell.” This abusive control tactic to thwart the use of her voice is extremely common. In some way, this struggle to be heard will forever be part of her narrative. Even when survivors of abuse come forward it is not a guarantee she will be believed. Survivors and their stories will invariably be doubted in the courtroom, public opinion, and even from her own family members. The amount of shame and disbelief that exists for survivors feels insurmountable. Whether a survivor tells her story or it remains buried in her mind, she will have to deal with her own inner wounds of being a survivor many times in isolation. These same women build careers, create art, perhaps have children, but the story may still be activated and loudly represented to her as trauma remains in the body. These are similar issues for survivors of other types of trauma like witnessing domestic violence, living in a lower socioeconomic status, or being a direct victim of physical abuse.
Stories from motherhood
The path from childhood to womanhood is defined every day and yet it feels like we are moving backwards in time. There are many moving parts to womanhood and how children are impacted is by the way our society treats women. There is a barrage of messages young girls get from their mother, father, teachers and any adult that lives in their culture. These messages are based on stories that have been passed on from one generation to the next. Much like art, we all have the power to define, redefine and keep making the narrative fit differently than what past generations of women had to deal with and make it more empowering.
However, when South Carolina legislators are creating bills to promote the death penalty for women who decide to have an abortion, it feels like we are moving backwards in time. It sends a clear message that women are not worthy of making their own decisions even in the worst possible moment of your life like rape. According to Susan Faludi’s Backlash (1991), in the late 1800s a contemporary New Right kept pushing to have contraception outlawed. Congress passed legislation on the use and distribution of contraceptives. And for the first time in our history, criminalized abortions. So the new bill in South Carolina is nothing new, in fact we are simply repeating what has been done in the past. Cycles of violence get repeated because there is much to learn from our past. Without looking at our past, we are avoiding and will invariably repeat it.
Pandemic Crisis 2020
Women have much to contribute and it used to be that we could choose our reproductive health. We are powerful beyond measure in having careers, adopting babies, and prioritizing our family in so many ways. Over the years, women have tried to fit the mold of working, organizing their life, helping their child’s life and “leaning in” to what was being offered at work. It’s like we are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. We are all part of a broken system that was never meant to prioritize the unique needs of a woman or a mother.
A working woman had a shoestring work- life balance and astronomical bills to pay for childcare. Likewise, a mother that chose to stay at home to care for her children would forgo her career for years if not permanently. Messages like “I guess you’ll be paid with hugs and kisses” were meant for her and not him. Women for generations would feel the relentless pang of guilt every time she felt like she no longer wanted to be the stay at home mother and felt bored at home. Mothers were also sold a narrative and realized later it is called “the motherhood penalty and fatherhood bonus.” According to Michelle Budig’s provocative 2014 paper, she studied that men were rewarded when they had children and women were penalized. Budig coined this the “fatherhood bonus” and the “motherhood penalty,” and explains the gender bias mothers experience when they enter parenthood. It was a double edged sword because a mother would be heavily criticized for choosing to work and dropping the kids off at daycare. However, her pay would be penalized on average 4 % for every child she had and in turn, fathers would be rewarded with a 6% raise. Worse yet the group penalized the most were mothers of lower wage income as well as the lower wage male earners. Those that are the most disadvantaged are mothers with lower wage earners.
Fast track to the pandemic crisis of 2020 and we no longer had to show up at work with the traditional 40 hour, in person work week. It taught us that there is flexibility in work-life balance and that we could work from home. Retaining and treating your employees with realistic work expectations will save a company money for years to come. This was always known, but only brought to light when the pandemic hit. Many women chose to leave the workplace with the Great Resignation and to become even more creative in a crisis. I believe during a crisis we forge ahead in what we wish to see in the world. We might move slowly, or quickly but women in the year of the pandemic are moving toward what they truly want for their future, and their families.
The residual effects of a pandemic crisis can unveil some significant unfinished business. Reeling back from this crisis was a prominent part of a woman's history in creating her narrative. Women may have reflected on their own childhood stories as their parents dealt with a similar crisis. The beauty of a crisis is that the stakes are so high and that change is possible. Breaking the cycle of poverty, of violence, and similar issues in a woman’s narrative came into play. Many women stepped up to the plate and began to completely change their narrative. Women, and especially mothers began working from home and changing their hours. Some women choose to go back to school and pick up their careers after staying at home.
Now more than ever mothers continue to struggle with high rates of depression and anxiety due to the changes that have been brought to the surface. The issue of work-life balance was always there. Having a supportive partner dividing the household labor can be a point of contention. These are some of the social issues, now it was obvious and it could no longer be ignored.
Childhood stories
The childhood stories we are making today will invariably become part of Women’s History. In childhood, parents make an indelible impression. Children are discovering ways to understand how things operate in relationships. Everyday, children pay careful attention to what our caregivers say, what they eat, how food is shared, what kind of television they watch, what kind of music they listen to, and what they do when they feel disappointed. Parents have to help their child navigate how to behave in public and also have realistic expectations of their children's development. We may understand toddlers have tantrums for a variety of unexpected reasons. They are tired, hungry, and parents try to help them get what they need. However, when it actually happens in the middle of a grocery store, the narrative of how that plays out can be very different from what we want. Parents often find themselves frustrated, they are losing their patience, embarrassing moments get the most of them, and they see themselves repeating the same patterns their parents once did to them. Similarly, bedtime can be notoriously all about helping them “get ready for bed.” Parents can share their favorite childhood story books and tell their children all about how they themselves laughed a lot with a funny book like Frog and Toad.
Parents may struggle in understanding their own history and children often remind them of that time. A current situation may elicit a memory for a parent. For example, a child that witnessed violence between her parents. This child learned that conflict is abrupt, unexpected, and extremely loud. Raising babies and toddlers can be demanding in this way, where tantrums are loud, unexpected memories come up and parents are taken back to their own narratives of violence. Supporting children is much more than giving them basic things like shelter, food, and water. It is being emotionally present for the child. As trauma resurfaces, they must remember to do the inner work of what they want to do differently than how they were raised. These memories for children will form the narrative of how important the child felt with their significant parent.
Adolescent stories
Many times, in adolescence we find more of our identity through our friendships. Then, just like a seed takes time to grow in the Spring, it is in adolescence that it begins to bear fruit. Maybe your mother constantly wanted you to stay quiet as a young girl and dampened your need to express your feelings. It is hard for caregivers to tolerate issues like rebellion, questioning religion, experimentation with drugs, defiance or even heartbreak in adolescence. Taking the time to slow down and process feelings can be difficult for parents. Parents may have felt more comfortable with taking a stoic stance and plowed through tough experiences. A mother who was worried about balancing the checkbook may have found it too consuming. Finances had to be front and center as a means of survival. Many families come from single female headed households or single income families. Placing food on the table was a sign of success.
Adolescent girls get this confusing false message that girls need to behave in a certain way, like quiet or small, to garner respect or attention. Perhaps they become high-achieving perfectionists to have their parents pay attention to them. If she plays the violin, teachers adore her as a student, she runs competitively in cross country, and her accolades secure her a full scholarship to a well recognized state school. A younger sister may witness this success, and doubt her own skills will ever amount to much since she is just an “average” child.
Another difficult milestone a teenager faces is sex education and consent. They might like wearing tight fitted clothing that is revealing. However, the adolescent may struggle with body image and doubt this is appropriate, as dress codes are very much part of her school. Her sexuality is becoming more apparent, she is starting to have crushes, and is being asked out on dates. Parents may certainly come into this narrative, trying to explain sex very briefly and fearing that if sex is discussed, she will do this. The fear of explaining too much or too little can really do a disservice to young adolescents as they will get their information from peers, the internet or by experimentation. The myth is that “if I explain sex, it can lead to pregnancy” so parents may opt to just say, “don’t have sex.” The purity culture is very much heavily relied on to instill fear in young girls. However, it is clear that this false narrative of “being pure” rarely equates avoidance of pregnancy. Teenage pregnancy can unfortunately happen, with misinformation or lack of information. For example, a teenager starts taking birth control but didn’t get the information that she should wait 30 days to start having sex. It also sends a lot of shame for girls that want to start having sex with a significant relationship as though “she is a slut.” Or worse yet, teenagers can run the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Omission of education on sex and consent only prepares adolescents to feel shame for their feelings on sexual interest, placing them at greater risk for life-altering events like pregnancy.
In many instances, adolescent behavior can too heavily rely on their friends when the parent relationship has been strained because talk of sex is taboo. They find themselves in a situation where they fear telling their parents that they are pregnant. They might have been in a situation where shame is far too great and they could never reveal that someone raped them. Her narrative in this chapter of her life is to blame herself. The same shame story is being repeated to herself like her questioning what she wore that day or what she said or did to make someone rape her. There is no stopping the shame spiral so she must now figure it out without her parents’ guidance.
Conclusion
When women and mothers fully process their own story, they are better equipped to help shape the next generation of Women’s History. As adults it’s hard to remember the ways we are wounded as children because it is normalized for girls to have certain expectations and abide by particular family norms and society’s high expectations. If you have struggled with any of these stages in your childhood, consider entering therapy by clicking here, call 803-573-0279 or email me at therapy@veronicadelpino.com. I provide EMDR therapy and trauma sensitive yoga which is a highly efficient way to process childhood trauma. You deserve to be supported as you begin your journey in healing.
